Commentary on the Spring 1999 season's matches, provided by Chad "Chad" Mickelson.

March 6: Spokane A Game, Maggots win 22-5. Two tries for our first-game rookie - Tory. Pretty sloppy. Tough to play 80 minutes first match of the year. Maggot B's win 12 to 5 or so.

March 13: Valley - Good education from a strong 1st division club. 'nuf said.

March 14: Seattle 2nds. - Despite rucking the snot of them, lost...but scored a try in this game. 2 inches of standing water in the areas where mud wasn't 6 inches deep. Pre-kick off fish flop by the entire Maggot side in the 6 inch mud area. Rob Lauder refed the first 5 minutes from one spot in the middle of the field. Johnny 99 refed the remainder of the 1st half before flanking in the second half. Bushy refed second half. First time played in a match with 3 refs. At least they improved each time.

Trip over showed a great loss in tradition: Friday night Scarecrow zinged a ball past Mama's head and directly into the driver's side windshield. After telling his children to "sit quietly and think about what you've done, " Mama drove through Spokane STRAIGHT PAST DICK'S, despite groans of hunger from Maggot front rows and chants of "we love dicks." It would be no Dick's burgers for the little maggots tonight. Fortunately, our benevolent Valley hosts ferried many Maggots to a Sunday 2:00 am treat of Dick's burgers.

As if skipping Dicks was not enough, Scarecrow stopped at the WRONG RESTAURANT in Ellensburg. Remember?...the restuarant with the 8' tall Goddess on tour last year. I think she might have been Xena! At least we hit the House of Fun. It was fun.

Saturday night in downtown Seattle bars. Another loss of tradition - the bus was not with us. Abandoned in a parking lot far from the corners of our eyes! James Thomas was never afraid to drive the bus downtown. Horrified and ashamed to see Greg Bartelt - old Maggot now back at the farm club - wearing shirt and tie that MATCHED! Seattle's premier side came home from a Saturday match in Vancouver wearing white shirts and real purty ties - Number 1's they call them, how cute. Then, they wore them to the bars Saturday night (including old Maggot Bartelt)! As if that were not enough, two or three Seattle players wore them Sunday to host the Maggots! YOU GOTTA BE SHITTIN' ME!

Had trouble getting everyone kitted and ready for Sunday am. In addition to hangovers, two kits were impounded with the car of (I don't want to use names) "an old Jester who is now a retired Seattle RFC prop with deep thoughts on the positions of rugby & who once spent several months in the MO Club looking for a job in Missoula.". Fortunately, Seattle Dave made his way out of the car before impounding, and only had to travel about 150 blocks to his bed for the night. Ole' Prop was provided a bed by the tax payers of King County. Rumor is the Ole Prop is out of jail but the kits have not yet surfaced. After spending Saturday night on a Seattle park bench huffing paint (or something like that) with some Seattle natives, Tex & Mex did not have their kits either. Despite the troubles, we had a full 15 on the pitch a full 70 seconds before kick off.

Maggot rookie zulu at the Seattle Quonset Hut Clubhouse. Seattle threw fit when he went outside for "once around the clubhouse." Beertender (apparently a Seattle women's player) threw a fit about beer spillage on the concrete/dirt floor of their clubhouse. She tried to mop it up but only made mud. Seattly put on a great beer and pizza feed as well.

March 27: Union match vs. Billings, Lost 20 to 30. After being down 3 tries, we came back to tie it at 20 all. Then fell back behind by a penalty goal and ultimately another try and conversion. We have a very good squad of guys, but have not gelled. Rhino and Grey Lerner are with us this spring and this was the first weekend with Maggots for both of them. We will beat the Bulls next time.

Rest of the Fools Fest: Selected a mixed first & second side against Bozeman. Lost 10-5. Absolutely should have scored three tries in the first half after having posession in their end for nearly all of it. Couldn't seal the deal. It was a decent Bozeman side but certainly not their best.

Colin & Seattle Dave kicked out of party for animated dancing - plus Jake tackled the bouncer. He proved again that he is indeed "the most violent element in society." Bubba suffered a minor concussion in game Saturday & thought since he was sitting Sunday he would drink a ton. Passed out early & apparently the concussion-causing blow had a delayed effect of knocking one eyebrow off. Five cases tried in court for carrying glass on the bus. Jerry Ball abandoned the traditional tuck & roll to institute a step & stop technique of exiting a moving Maggot Bus. I don't think many other guys will adopt his new technique.

April 3: Ketchum traveled pretty thin for their first game of the season. Chewy & JC didn't show because they are in Vietnam & Laos respectively...or irrespectively. Maggots won 73-7 over the combined Ketchum, Jester, Maggot side. Maggot rookie Brian Nelson scored his zulu try.

April 10: 12-6 in favor of Maggots Trys: Mandela (1), Bubba (1)
Conversions: Mandela (1 of 2)
Sin Bin: Sulle
Most Golden Hands Submissions: Canteen Boy Bishop
Mooses Horn in the Face: Tex
Incessant Squawking: Canteen Boy Bishop
Ass Beatin': Canteen Boy Bishop
Homosexual Tendencies: Canteen Boy Bishop
Elephant Nose: Canteen Boy Bishop
Pathetic Kicking: Canteen Boy Bishop
A Number 1 Pit Toy: Uncle Smoothy

MAGGOTFEST - Same as it ever was, only different

May 8: A-Side Match: Maggots 42, U of M Jesters 18
B-Side Match: Maggots 22, U of M Jesters 8 (I think)

Fans of this bi-annual meeting of cross town rivals saw glimpses of Maggot/Jester matches past - complete with boots, punch ups, head butts and incessant squawking. Speaking of incessant squawking, the on-field fires were well-fueled from the sidelines by our own (or their own?) Skipper Hegman. It's always a pleasure to see and hear a coach/referee/President of the MRU take an active role in on-field antics.

In a spirit of innovation rivaled only by Jerry's Bald and his "step & stop," technique, Tex introduced us to the eyeball butt. Also known as the eye...ball...butt, the ploy is so named because it takes balls to execute but any fool can see it is an asses move. When questioned about his technique following the match, Tex replied "it may be unorthodox but it sure is innefective."

It's worth noting the Jesters led for substantial portions of both matches. On behalf of the Missoula All-Maggots, I'd like to wish the U of M Jesters the best of luck in the coming weekend's Montana Rugby Union Championships.

May 15-16, Montana Rugby Union Championships:

Round One - vs. Helena, Won 35-0
The Maggots survived a formal match "protest" (official term for 'a bunch of bullshit') from the U of M to maintain our number two seed in the tournament. A strong combination of new players and more-seasoned-than-average players beat Helena fairly convincingly.

Round Two - vs. Kalispell, Won 25-22
Kalispell beat Bozeman 15-12 or so to advance to a semi against the Maggots. After giving up 15 points and scoring none in the first half, Kalispell rallied with the wind to take the lead fairly early in the second half. A wing try by former Moose Rob Bowden resulted in the Maggots winning by a few points. It was a close, physical match characteristic of Maggot/Kalispell encounters. Did somebody say "boots?"

Final vs. Billings, Lost 10-52
Billings advanced via a first-round bye and a trouncing of the University on Saturday. Maggots scored first in the final with a penalty kick, then played the next ten minutes or so in the Bulls half, putting on a lot of pressure but not scoring. The Bulls scored a couple (few?) unanswered tries before half to take the lead. In the second half the Bulls outplayed us in every phase of the game to finish with a 52-10 win. The most obvious Maggot mistakes were piss-poor tackling and getting beat to the breakdowns - two sins in a championship match. Not the kind of sin we like to fall in to.

It is time to step up our game: step up our practices, step up our off-day conditioning, step op our off-season skills practice, step up our film study and step up our recruiting.

One of the cups is home. The Maggot B-Side beat the Billings Bulls 33-14 to win the B-Side State Championship. Congratulations to all who aided in the win, especially the newer players for whom this is their first taste of a state trophy (the cup holds a lot of beer): Lance Osler, Crusty the Clown, Tory "The Limp" Richtmyer and Brian Briske.

Following is play by play from Otto "Otto" Oetinger:

First try at 15 mins scored by Kostecki: after Kostecki started from a ruck 20 yards out passed to McComb and Otto and back to Kostecki. Not converted (all the rest were converted by Psyco) Second try by Kostecki (didn't see it, lying in bottom of ruck) Third try by Kostecki at 30 mins, tapped a quick penalty and went 60 yards untouched Billings scored with no time left in half and then just a few minutes into second half. This was the closest they got: score 19-14. Unkown Maggot scored with 15 min to go and rookie Ryan scored with 10 min to go. Final 33-14

Take me back to the Maggotpage!